Have you ever been to a point in your spiritual walk that it seems as though you are continuously having "bumps along the way"? That's the battle I am coming out of.
Everyone has their own thorn that they have to fight with daily. I have my fair share of them. I constantly have to deny myself and fight those thorns that are such a big part of my character. Since I started this Journey Back to Christ, I have been battling with so many things that are a part of my character. Some were "easy" battles and some are quite difficult. It seems as though the closer I get to that goal, the more Satan throws curve balls at me. Why won't he leave me alone? Just let me be! I am determined to finished this race, so just stop picking and poking at me! Well, I can say that as much as I want...he's not going to give up. Plus why would he? I was living in darkness and on his side for so long. I even turned away from God for a worldly pleasure. So no, this is going to be a constant battle! Alone, I won't win...with God, all my battles will be a VICTORY.
I have this beautiful little girl that is indeed my Angel that God blessed me with. Although I don't make all the right decisions, she loves me dearly. As a single mother, I always try to do so right by my little one. At times, I have over done it. It's only one me, so she doesn't have the dad in the house. One way of compensating this, I have given her so much love. Nothing is wrong with that, but it got to the point that I was trying to love her as though I am two...I am only one person. I was so worried that other children where getting love from both a mom and a dad, so I need to give her double the love. That's not the case. I was so worried, and instead of letting God fill in those gaps, I took matters into my own hands. I should have just kept my faith in God. He gave me the tools to just trust him and he would take up any slack that I had. James 1:27 says "...to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world". OK, so I know my little one isn't an orphan nor am I a widower. But, let's cross reference some to see what I am trying to say. Psalm 146:9 states "The LORD watches over the foreigner and sustains the fatherless and the widow...Psalm 10:18 states defending the fatherless and the oppressed so that mere earthly mortals will never again strike terror" and Exodus 22:22-23 states "Do not take advantage of the widow or the fatherless. If you do and they cry out to me, I will certainly hear their cry". So with God stating this throughout the bible and many more scriptures, why didn't I trust that he was going to protect my baby? Well, it goes back to my last blog about surrendering and fully trusting God and his plan for me and my daughter.
I constantly state "Yeah God I trust you", then the process is slow or the outcome isn't going the way I thought...so I feel the need to put in "Nitra's special sauce" to jazz it up. God says "I am making chicken stew" I say "Well God, I would rather have beef, so let's add a little of this and a little of that and wait take some of this out too". So I am not really fully surrendering to His will or plan. So an eye opener was with my daughter. God gave me this little angel, and trusted me to be an good mom for her, why can't I trust him to be an awesome Father for her? All I need to do is fully surrender and let God take care of the fatherless. I can't love for two people; I am only one person. The greatest part of this is the fact that God has blessed me with the ability to fully give and love my daughter as a mother. Shouldn't I just embrace that and give my daughter what God has for me to give to her? Everything else will take care of itself. Famous scripture, Jeremiah 29:11, states "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". Then he goes on to say in verse 12 "Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you". He is only asking me to trust him, for He knows what's best for me and my daughter. My sinful side doesn't want to submit to that. I need to stay prayed up and denying that side of me. So Amen God, soften my heart to fully trust you!
